My grandmother was one cool lady. "I'm plain ole Vel." is what she would say. If you had a dumb moment and crossed her, she'd correct you. Some of the words she used will not be included in this posting. Some of y'all are saved folks, and I don't want your eyes to see such words. Anyhow, my grandmother was a woman ahead of her time. She always made a plan and worked it to completion. Grandma did not believe she could be held back. Being Colored (sidebar: for those that didn't know, in the early part of the 20th century we were Colored) and being a woman could not be considered a deterrent to her life. She fully embraced the person she was, Veltirea. Well, I said she was cool, so let me get back to that. After my grandfather died, my grandmother came out of retirement and accepted a part-time position at the Urban League. She enjoyed it. Working with the seniors program provided Grandma many chances to meet and work with various individuals and programs. I was home from work one day when she called. Grandma said, "I have something for you. I'll give it to you when I leave work." I started to smile. She said she had "something" for me. I wanted to know what it was she was giving me. I never liked surprises. I need to be in the know. So, I said, "Well, Granny -- whatcha got for me?" Veltirea said, "Pardon?" That one word reply said many things. It meant what I said was incorrect; grammatically and otherwise. I was supposed to correct myself, get it together and try again. Okay, take two. "Grandma, what do you have for me?" I thought that would make things good again. She said, "Oh, I'm not telling you. You'll see later this afternoon." That was not the answer I wanted. Though I asked a couple times more, she ignored me and went to the next subject. The conversation lasted a few minutes longer and ended. No further mention of the "something." I had to WAIT until she finished work before I could get it. I didn't like the idea of not knowing what I was getting, but I was happy! My Grandma had a gift for me. I was a grown-ass man of 27 years. This meant nothing. One of the holdovers from childhood. I would get excited when I knew my Grandma had a gift for me. Like an excited kid waiting for Christmas, I waited for Grandma's workday to end. Five o'clock would not come soon enough. I left at twenty minutes to five, a whole fifteen minutes earlier than necessary. I wanted to ensure I'd be at the Urban League on time. It was a five minute drive, but I wasn't taking chances. A little after five, Grandma comes out of the building. I see a big Carson Pirie Scott bag in her hand. I smiled as I got out of the car. I walked over to take the bag from her and said, "Thank you, for the gift." Grandma said, "Oh no. This isn't yours, it's mine. I bought a new bedspread. What I have for you is in my purse." Not a problem, I still had a gift coming. I opened the front passenger door for her to get into the car. When she was seated, I opened the backdoor and placed the bag on the seat. As I walked around the back of the car, I could see Grandma reaching into her purse. Once I was seated on the driver's side she said, "This is for you." She handed me a booklet on safe sex practices AND how to apply a condom on an erect penis. This was not what I expected. I'm not sure what I wanted or thought it would be? I knew one thing, "this ain't it." Grandma reached into her purse and pulled out several condoms. She handed those over as well. I asked her, "Why are you giving this stuff to me? Thank you, but I know all about this. I wasn't expecting all of this from my Grandma." She turned and said, "I know what's going on out here these days and I know you're having sex. I want you to be safe and protect yourself." She made it plain and simple. I was embarrassed then, but I laugh about it now. It cracks me up. My grandmother was far from being a typical grandmother. Not only was she my grandma, she was my friend. She always had my back -- no matter what.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
I Have Something For You
My grandmother was one cool lady. "I'm plain ole Vel." is what she would say. If you had a dumb moment and crossed her, she'd correct you. Some of the words she used will not be included in this posting. Some of y'all are saved folks, and I don't want your eyes to see such words. Anyhow, my grandmother was a woman ahead of her time. She always made a plan and worked it to completion. Grandma did not believe she could be held back. Being Colored (sidebar: for those that didn't know, in the early part of the 20th century we were Colored) and being a woman could not be considered a deterrent to her life. She fully embraced the person she was, Veltirea. Well, I said she was cool, so let me get back to that. After my grandfather died, my grandmother came out of retirement and accepted a part-time position at the Urban League. She enjoyed it. Working with the seniors program provided Grandma many chances to meet and work with various individuals and programs. I was home from work one day when she called. Grandma said, "I have something for you. I'll give it to you when I leave work." I started to smile. She said she had "something" for me. I wanted to know what it was she was giving me. I never liked surprises. I need to be in the know. So, I said, "Well, Granny -- whatcha got for me?" Veltirea said, "Pardon?" That one word reply said many things. It meant what I said was incorrect; grammatically and otherwise. I was supposed to correct myself, get it together and try again. Okay, take two. "Grandma, what do you have for me?" I thought that would make things good again. She said, "Oh, I'm not telling you. You'll see later this afternoon." That was not the answer I wanted. Though I asked a couple times more, she ignored me and went to the next subject. The conversation lasted a few minutes longer and ended. No further mention of the "something." I had to WAIT until she finished work before I could get it. I didn't like the idea of not knowing what I was getting, but I was happy! My Grandma had a gift for me. I was a grown-ass man of 27 years. This meant nothing. One of the holdovers from childhood. I would get excited when I knew my Grandma had a gift for me. Like an excited kid waiting for Christmas, I waited for Grandma's workday to end. Five o'clock would not come soon enough. I left at twenty minutes to five, a whole fifteen minutes earlier than necessary. I wanted to ensure I'd be at the Urban League on time. It was a five minute drive, but I wasn't taking chances. A little after five, Grandma comes out of the building. I see a big Carson Pirie Scott bag in her hand. I smiled as I got out of the car. I walked over to take the bag from her and said, "Thank you, for the gift." Grandma said, "Oh no. This isn't yours, it's mine. I bought a new bedspread. What I have for you is in my purse." Not a problem, I still had a gift coming. I opened the front passenger door for her to get into the car. When she was seated, I opened the backdoor and placed the bag on the seat. As I walked around the back of the car, I could see Grandma reaching into her purse. Once I was seated on the driver's side she said, "This is for you." She handed me a booklet on safe sex practices AND how to apply a condom on an erect penis. This was not what I expected. I'm not sure what I wanted or thought it would be? I knew one thing, "this ain't it." Grandma reached into her purse and pulled out several condoms. She handed those over as well. I asked her, "Why are you giving this stuff to me? Thank you, but I know all about this. I wasn't expecting all of this from my Grandma." She turned and said, "I know what's going on out here these days and I know you're having sex. I want you to be safe and protect yourself." She made it plain and simple. I was embarrassed then, but I laugh about it now. It cracks me up. My grandmother was far from being a typical grandmother. Not only was she my grandma, she was my friend. She always had my back -- no matter what.
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